There were two levers.
You made your decision,
And pulled it.
Thought yourself so clever,
To offer then retract provisions,
Playing the hero and victim; you were so full of shit.
There were two lovers
You cheated on one with the other,
Then throw temper tantrums claiming my clear vision is superstition.
Over the bowl,
Growing my soul,
Panic drives me
Dispel this emptiness
Clawing and gnawing within.
There was so much that could’ve been done to prevent this.
Here I am; disappointed again.
There is nothing to heave;
For I have struggled to eat.
There is heat in freezing.
I used to think I was weak or depleting;
Too little to be worth greeting,
But it is not that I am not good enough to be heating.
I am the heat in freezing.
I am enough.
I am a scarce resource
That no extraction could force.
The ocean appears in many hues
Sometimes varying shades of blues,
Sometimes deep as wine,
Oh, so divine.
Like you have ever seen,
Sometimes dazzling aquamarine,
It is a warm gray.
This deep, transparent charcoal
Has me under its control.
Contrasted against the white
Waves’ foam so bright,
I just might
Stay here all night.
My spirit soars,
Squirrels bark a hazy, unintimidating growl,
While hummingbirds chitter merrily out of sight.
Late November is known for weather that is dreary and foul;
but today the sun shines warm and bright.
Animals are fluffing up for the winter:
Their dens, their fur, their wiggly body fat. …
My eyes drudge open, blinking several times before locking into unison. How am I here? When did I arrive at my ex’s apartment? I never felt safe here. I shiver, recalling memories of abuse; feeling them pass around and through me. But this is different… I sense immediate danger. Why…