Sometimes there’s incompatibility;
Like what the fuck
Is with all this hostility?
But you’re in luck,
Because of my ever-strengthening ability
Of self-awareness
And non-depreciating humility.
Look at all this unfairness,
But more so durability;
Determined to remain undeterred
Because I would do anything for her;
Find win-win solutions no one’s ever heard.

She has a way with words,
And gave me her word
That our connection would be secured.
Positivity, negativity, it’s all the same to me.
Feeling anything leaves me assured
That my consciousness-
Heart, gut, and mind-
Might be a mess,
Might be absurd,
But better that than an empty chamber of sterility.

So how do I begin
To create a win-win;
To build a solution,
That doesn’t leave a single part of me behind?
How can we take
Needs that seem contradictory
And make
A kind of victory?
Find how they’re complimentary
When combined,
Both putting in effort
To work aligned,
So neither has to hurt
By how I’m designed;
Because it’s up to us
To choose how we’re defined.

It starts with small gestures,
Building trust,
Because we are in this together
Forever, no matter what.
Case closed. Open and shut.
After this forest fire
Blessed the soul with fertility,
We can choose which seeds to sow;
Feeding our energy into it
And watching it grow;
Mesmerized by its fragility
In a world that seems so dire,
There’s strength in its vulnerability,
Learning more than we thought we’d ever know.

Maybe it’s less about incompatibility
And more about adaptability;
In this situation, at least;
In this interpretation we’ve released,
Where we are each the beauty and the beast;
Both requiring expression
And understanding
To forge a connection,
Not based on demanding
Or reprimanding,
Where we listen and question.

But you and us were incinerated along the way;
What is there to say
When hopes are crushed
From one-sided conversations collecting dust
And nonviolent communication skills continuing to rust?

How can we rebuild trust
When insincere apologies are rushed
And blind obedience is a must?
I forsook you, my God.
I wonder how many will join their hands to applaud
Now that I no longer join my hands to pray.
We got caught in the underbrush;
It was too dangerous for me to stay.
Now my trajectory is lush,
And I look within for seeds to plant
Among the soil and ashes,
Singing out with their replenished nourishment.
Before my eyes, our life together flashes.
You’re the one who said you believed life required death.
We exhaled our final breath;
And laid to rest what would’ve been our future.
Now I’m mangled by sutures
And gasp;
Finally breaking the surface;
I’m able to grasp
Onto reality and realize I’m worth the labor pains
Required to birth this
New life from the soot and all that remains.

Now is the time to address
Beliefs that tell me I’m incapable, worthless, or worth less
Than what it takes to create
A new, healthy, and loving way to relate
To myself;
To my selves.
No more a display on a shelf,
Through the mud and shit of it
My cognition delves
To excavate
Where my purpose, joy, and truth dwells.
Sex sells,
But leaves me longing for more.
I explore the ways I am capable;
Because I can’t afford
To be someone I past-tense adored.
I see
With newfound clarity,
That the greatest revelation
For facilitating transformation
Is to practice living in alignment with what is self-loving;
Is to understand and heal the incompatibilities I have within and of me
Before fixating externally.

I don’t need anyone else to be complete.
I’m questioning harmful beliefs previously set on repeat;
My resolution is to follow this path to its conclusion;
Despite the discomfort,
I’ll be proactively grieving
To heal my hurt
And start believing
I’m worthy of receiving
That which is relieving;
And in my present-self giving
My future-self gifts
To create a life that I want to be living
And repair internal rifts.

Sometimes there’s incompatibility;
Like what the fuck
Is with all this hostility?
My vision and path are clear:
Accept and love myself through grief, rage, and fear.
I’m going through it
Because the only way to do it
Is to tenaciously pursue it.
Sometimes I’m slow and occasionally fall off,
But I shan’t decry, call-off,
repent, or relent,
Because I am never truly stuck.
When old programming begins to sneer,
I look in the mirror
And remind myself that the buck
Stops here.

Image for post
Image for post

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store