There were two levers.
You made your decision,
And pulled it.

Thought yourself so clever,
To offer then retract provisions,
Playing the hero and victim; you were so full of shit.

There were two lovers
You cheated on one with the other,
Then throw temper tantrums claiming my clear vision is superstition.

I’m getting the fuck over you;
I’m following through,
Like you asked me to,
Like you said you wanted me to.
But do you realize you blew
Up almost every possibility
For me to be
Present for the promise we
Made together about the end of your life? …

Over the bowl,
I wretch.
Growing my soul,
I stretch.
Panic drives me
To relentlessly
Dispel this emptiness
Clawing and gnawing within.
There was so much that could’ve been done to prevent this.

Here I am; disappointed again.

There is nothing to heave;
For I have struggled to eat.
Nor is…

There is heat in freezing.
I used to think I was weak or depleting;
Too little to be worth greeting,
But it is not that I am not good enough to be heating.

I am the heat in freezing.
I am enough.
I am a scarce resource
That no extraction could force.
I am…

The ocean appears in many hues
Sometimes varying shades of blues,
Sometimes deep as wine,
Oh, so divine.
Sometimes green
Like you have ever seen,
Sometimes dazzling aquamarine,
But today
It is a warm gray.
This deep, transparent charcoal
Mesmerizing, hypnotizing,
Has me under its control.
Contrasted against the white
Waves’ foam so bright,
I just might
Stay here all night.
My spirit soars,

Squirrels bark a hazy, unintimidating growl,
While hummingbirds chitter merrily out of sight.
Late November is known for weather that is dreary and foul;
but today the sun shines warm and bright.
Animals are fluffing up for the winter:
Their dens, their fur, their wiggly body fat. …

My eyes drudge open, blinking several times before locking into unison. How am I here? When did I arrive at my ex’s apartment? I never felt safe here. I shiver, recalling memories of abuse; feeling them pass around and through me. But this is different… I sense immediate danger. Why…

H.M. Loving

Creative Entrepreneur. Writer of poetry, dark fiction, & my perspectives being neurologically atypical.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store